My decision to come here has been the best one I have ever made in my life. I have genuinely loved every minute of my time here. I have learned such an incredible amount about myself which I did not expect at all. Moreover, I have learned a huge amount about mental health and the nursing profession. Seeing this from a different perspective has allowed me to question, reflect and appreciate contemporary nursing practice.
As this is my final post, I wanted to share something that I have been thinking a lot abut during my time here...
From the moment I applied to do a mental health nursing degree I have been asked the question “why mental health?” from family, friends, associates, lecturers, nurses, mentors and most recently, Swede’s. For some reason, I have always struggled to find an answer in the face of this question. My inability to provide a concise and consistent answer really irritated me and until recently I didn’t know why I struggled with it so much, especially considering my passion for the field.
My time in Umea, has taught me a huge amount about myself.
Having time alone, to truly reflect on each experience professionally or
otherwise, has finally equipped me to be able to answer this question. Although
it is most certainly not yet concise. I have tens of reasons why I want to do
this, but for the purpose of this blog entry I have tried to summarise my most
prominent ones.
Reason 1:
Have you ever had a day where you just feel down? … You
don’t know why you feel down. There is no reason for it. Your mood simply will
not lift – you wish to isolate yourself, you feel lazy, you have no interest in
anything. And the next day, you wonder what yesterday was all about and move on.
Every second of which, taking your mental health for granted. That “down day”
is life for someone with depression.
Have you ever been home alone and think you hear
someone/something? You tell yourself it’s nothing. But then you hear another
noise and are now uncertain if your anxious mind is playing tricks on you or
someone is in your home. Then, you rationalise and know that you’re being
ridiculous. That frightening, anxiety provoking small noise is simply a
fraction of what someone experiencing auditory hallucinations is like.
Furthermore, these noises are rationalised like yours - but are still real.
I used these examples as a way of demonstrating how close
each and every one of us is to “madness”. Being mentally unwell is not alien,
nor is it that far removed from what
we consider “sane”. Now, I am well aware of how complex mental illness is and
the cause of each diagnosis has been researched for years, each one differing
slightly. However, my point is that becoming mentally unwell is every bit as innocent as becoming physically unwell.
Our mental health impacts on every single aspect of our lives: from our
appearance, to our relationships, to our ability to eat, to our ability to simply
get up and have a wash. This experience has shown me that no matter where you’re
from or what your culture we are all human and therefore we all experience the
same joys and difficulties. Therefore, reason number one – why not mental
health?!
Reason 2:
Because I’m a people person. I’ve always been a people
person. Every single school report since I was five years old has said
“pleasant girl – chats too much”. I love getting to know people and working
with a person. I have been told I am a friendly person and I feel proud of
that. I think this had a lot to do with my appreciation for the authentic
beauty of mental health. Having a chat with someone, or even better having a
laugh with someone is one of life’s greatest simple joys. Therefore, reason
number two, put simply, is that I did not want to become a mental health nurse
simply to care for and treat people who are mentally unwell, but because I have
a passion for the sanctity of mental health and wellbeing.
Reason 3:
Because mental ill-health is grossly misunderstood and
under-represented. We as a society in the United Kingdom are living in blissful
ignorance of the prevalence and difficulty of mental illness. This ranges from
simply not feeling safe to talk about it at our dinner tables or at our pubs to
the horrifically stigmatising attitudes of our media and films. Words like
“psycho” or “junkie” are still thrown around as something negative,
embarrassing or even humorous. It is utterly shameful that these labels and
prejudice still own a place in our society.
It has never been easier to find out the truth, we live in a world of
social media and instant information. Yet somehow, myths about mental illness
are still rife. Furthermore, we tolerate such discriminating and downright
appalling labelling of our own people who have simply fallen unwell. We live in
a culture of blame where the “alky” is there cause he chose to drink. Where the
“psycho” can’t be trusted cause she’s “dangerous”. I feel continuously angered,
horrified and heart-broken by this and I know that soo many people feel the same way I do. So, reason number three: If I can do my part, somehow, to change
some of these attitudes and be a part of the increasing movements seen by
health professionals and mental health charities then I will consider every day
worthwhile. A career which I can dedicate to this cause, to take this passion I
possess and contribute to a culture of change. That is the career for me.
“Rather, ten times, die in the surf, heralding
the way to a new world, than stand idly on the shore.” -Florence Nightingale.
Reason 4:
Because I’m inspired and ever-challenged by the fact that I
will never know it all. In mental health, each and every person is so unique
that the job is always interesting and there is constantly more to learn. The
thought of being in a career where I will never stop learning is the most
motivating prospect I could ever imagine. What’s more is it’s a career where
you don’t do something for someone. Instead, if you’re lucky,
you get work with people, supporting them and assisting them to get better. In
mental health there is no magic fix. There is no easy answer. In order to find
an answer you are required to try in partnership with someone to find a
solution that is right for them. The very fact that already, certain people
have intrusted me with their story and welcomed my input into their lives makes
me feel unbelievably privileged. As a mental health nurse I can continue this
work and I can’t begin to imagine anything better than that.
Reason 5:
This is my most personal reason. For the last two years, I
have tried to deny to myself that my personal circumstances are what got me
into this field. But it is impossible to deny such a thing that impacted upon
every aspect of my life. My mother’s battle with mental illness not only
introduced me to complexity of mental ill health, but gave me direct insight
into its plights. What’s more is it taught me from the heart, qualities which
now lie at my very core, such as empathy and compassion. It showed me the
heart-ache, the anguish and the pain of mental illness. As well as the
importance of small and seemingly insignificant victories in an attempt to
recover. I also experienced first-hand the impact such ill health has on
families, relationships and lifestyles. And most significantly, it taught me to
be a skilled and compassionate carer who truly understands and appreciates
person-centredness and how centrally important this is.
So there it is. I believe I can now answer this question –
provided you allow me thirty minutes or so to explain it! I hope this wasn’t
too boring or insignificant for some of my loyal readers.
This experience here in Sweden has been so unbelievably
valuable to my development as a young woman and as a young mental health
professional. Coming here was without doubt the best decision I have ever made
in my life. Thank you for the encouragement and support from lecturers, family
and friends. And thank you very much for keeping up with blog. It means a lot.
See ye’s in Glesga!
